The Gist: Astrology for the Real Ones
*Hey did you know I also know all about astrology? It’s true, I’m stupid good.
I started reading birth charts more than thirty years ago (!), and I’ve had wildly successful monthly columns (no really, it was insane). And yeah, you can be a Serious Writer™ and still do fun stuff like talk about horoscopes or retrogrades. Watch, I’ll show you.
It's Leo season!
You know, most of us like to take some time off during the summer or at least take it a little bit easy. But not the universe! Our transit into Leo (22 July - 21 August ) is gonna be a doozy, and none of us will walk away unaffected. Mercury goes into a high-key dramatic retrograde (we’ll get to that in a second), and once the moon also moves into Leo, it’s gonna feel like the volume has been turned up to 13. The coming month will hit particularly hard for the fixed signs (we’ll get to that in two seconds): if you’re a Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, or Aquarius, get ready for the earth to shake under your toes. If you’ve got a combination of these signs in your sun, rising, moon, or Uranus (we’ll get to that in maybe five seconds), this could be one of those months that you remember for a very long time.
Now that we’ve set it all up, let’s take a step back. First off, Leo is the beloved main character of our zodiac: the big, slightly wild, always magnificent halo around its head is only challenged by the enormity of its heart. Leos are loyal (often to a fault) and passionate (often to a dramatic degree). Being ruled by the sun means that we can’t help but feel its effects: from the people next to you at the beach who won’t shut up to the summer love affair that throws your heart out of your chest, Leo season is always loud. But it’s also a joyous sort of time, where you can’t help but be swept away by an outdoor concert or the sound of children playing together at the sea. There’s something instantly nostalgic about Leo season, like you just know that it can’t last forever and no photo will ever capture it the way you remember. This month (late July to late August), with its long days and sultry nights that should and often do exist outside of our normal routine, is one of the most halcyon in the zodiac calendar.
Except, that is, when Mercury decides to get spicy. And this month, she is covered in chilis! Mercury moved into retrograde on 18 July and will remain there until 11 August, though its shadow means we’ll feel the effects until the end of the calendar month. Now, let’s talk for a minute about what Mercury in retrograde really means, because it’s got much less to do with missed emails than you think (or what you tell those people you forgot to email) (or if you have no idea what I’m talking about). Being the smallest planet in the solar system and the closest to the sun, Mercury spins quicker and rotates more frequently than the rest of its cohort out there in the cosmos. In fact, Mercury is so kinetic that sometimes it actually appears to be moving in reverse to us mere mortals on Earth. These are its retrograde periods: three or four times in the year that Mercury looks a little like that kid who didn’t know when to stop spinning during gym class.
But just as all kids don’t spin the same way, Mercury in retrograde looks and acts differently in every sign. In Leo, Mercury is sort of like a child star with a lot of makeup and a dance routine they promptly forget as soon as they get on stage. Keep an eye on their breakdancing moves and try not to laugh too much if they don’t nail the landing. Leo is a sensitive sign that takes it pretty badly when their pride is wounded, and you’ll very likely feel the same energy coming from your friends, family, co-workers, or just about anyone you meet in the next month. This includes that cutie pie in the mirror, too - be kind to yourself, and hey, when no one is looking, take a bow for nailing the landing.
Leo’s nostalgia means that Mercury in retrograde is going to pull you hard towards the past, and once the moon also enters Leo on 24 July (I told you, we are in for it, y’all), some of us are taking a one way flight right into memory town. It might be that last summer’s love affair comes back into your mind, or that you do a deep dive into some of your fondest memories. You might just find yourself looking on your not-so-fondest memories with rose colored lenses and perpetual Leo optimism, and consider giving that former flame (or flames, we don’t judge) a call. And look, who am I to tell you no? But if you can, try to remember that you’re living (or re-living) a moment, and it may not even last till Virgo season. But do you, boo, and live loud.
However, you’re a fixed sign (that’s my Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius brethren who have been impatiently waiting for me to get to the point), this seven-layer Leo burrito also happens to coincide with a major shift in your energy. And when I say major, I am not being a Libra about it (love you guys too): it’s real. But let’s take a moment. Around about 2018, the four fixed signs entered into a period of intense flux, where they’ve been confronted with incredible levels of disruption into their inner and outer lives. We’re talking like, unmanageable stuff, and these are the exact signs that hate unexplained interruptions. The reason for this (a little late, I know) is that Uranus, the planet of innovation, change, and creative inspiration, was overstaying its welcome in its fixed modality. They’ve had to adapt with a second’s notice, embrace situations that go against everything they believe, and accept changes that were very much not in their well thought out plans. If you’ve got one or more fixed planets in your sun, moon, and rising spots, then it’s been maybe the worst roller coaster ride you never asked for.
But! Light at the end of the tunnel! Uranus has finally stopped being obsessed with you and it's moved on to Gemini, its natural home and a mutable modality (don’t worry, we can talk about that later if you want). While it does a short retrograde in November, you're looking at pretty smooth sailing from here on out. All the wild energy of the past seven years will start to settle down, and you’ll once again feel like the world makes sense again. But consider this before you dig out those comfy old slippers that you’d misplaced in 2018. What if what you learned in all that chaos is actually who you really are? What if change isn’t that bad, after all? Leo sun, moon, and retro will have you sitting comfortably back in your rocking chair this month, but don’t be shocked if your boy Aldous Huxley comes into your mind:
“If most of us remain ignorant of ourselves, it is because self-knowledge is painful and we prefer the pleasures of illusion.”
Like it or not, my fixed sign friend, the past seven years have taught you too much about yourself to go back, and the pleasures of illusion may not suffice anymore. The pain has come and hopefully gone, and you’ve not only survived it. You are infinitely better for it. It’s a brave new world out there, and you might just be ready to leap forward.
The Star Sign Breakdown!
So, how will your sign fare this zodiac month? Read on to find out (and check your moon, rising, and Mercury as well. Don’t know how? Calculate it!
Aries ♈
When the wife of US founding father and notable Aries Thomas Jefferson died, she made him promise never to marry anyone again, because she couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else raising her children. Jefferson agreed and though he would go on to have many (like, many) notable affairs, he kept his word despite his anger at having to agree to something with someone who’d departed the mortal world. Sure, he was US president, and yes, he was one of the most important individuals in what would become a very important nation. But he didn’t learn boundaries.
This month, you can best old Tom, my Aries friend. Even though your people likely haven’t noticed, you’ve been working a lot on yourself and in particular about what relationships should mean to you, and this is the month for you to start testing those boundaries out in your life. For so long you’ve had to be the engine in the group chat, and you’re great at it. But you’re great at other things, too. You don’t have to be the life of the party just because you promised you wouldn’t let the friend group down. Hanging on to things that used to mean everything won’t resuscitate them. Don’t let your resentment for promises you wish you hadn’t made get in the way of the you that you’re in the process of becoming. You’re way too interesting to only be “the fun one”.
Taurus ♉
Ok look, it's pretty obvious that these past few (seven) years have not been easy. No, wait. Let me start again. These last seven years have been bananas. Every time you thought the rain was over, a storm cloud seemed to pop up right over your head; every dragon you slayed seemed to leave behind six or seven baby dragons who would destroy all of your beloved stuff. And the very worst part of it? No one else seemed to notice. You’ve very possibly been accused of exaggerating, being inconsiderate, or worst of all, dramatic, by the very people you’re trying to protect or provide for.
But you held on because, Taurus, that’s your superpower. And now that Uranus has left your modality things will finally feel back to “normal”. But that normal has inevitably changed now, because you’re a different person than you were when it all started. Mercury retrograde will have you asking what home really means to you, when you were happiest, and where your roots might take you. The new moon on the 24th in Leo could see you looking at a wall you’ve never noticed before and thinking, “what if I took that guy down and made, like, a window?” Because the thing about bananas, they’re actually berries, they actually grow on trees, and they’re actually very good for you. Embrace the bananas!
Gemini ♊
Have you ever noticed how sometimes you’ll be hanging out somewhere, feeling your look, and vibing with whatever song is playing, and then you notice that everyone else is doing something completely different than you? Like you’re in there, blissfully unaware that the mood of the room has shifted a lot: maybe everyone got a news alert but you’ve just put your phone down for the first time this year (probably not though, let’s be real), or maybe you were too busy shazaming that song to notice that a fight broke out right next to you. This is kind of the theme of Leo month for you, Gemini, because while Uranus’s kooky energy has thrown everyone else off, you low key dig it. And why wouldn’t you? You’re the master of moving in and out, back and forth, up and down through your social calendar, and the main character confluence of Leo this lunar month feels like it’s your time to shine, regardless of what anyone else is doing.
Ok look, I don’t want to spoil the party for you, but the truth is, all is not so rosy out there in the cosmos for you. And I know you kind of don’t love hearing messy, pesky bad news, but I care about you enough to come correct. The thing is, you’ve got Mercury, Neptune, Saturn, and Chiron all spinning retrograde this month, and that’s going to feel a little bit like the record scratches before coming to a hard stop at the party. These are all social planets and they all do their part to help us find our place in the world. Chiron, especially, as the original wound, might make you start wondering if your invitation to the big summer party got lost in the mail, and it could awaken a few unpleasant feelings. Sit with them for a while and know that they won’t last forever. But also, maybe turn down the music, focus on one or two conversations, and ask yourself what song really defines you. I’ll bet you that it isn’t the one you think.
Cancer ♋
If there’s one sign that doesn’t need Leo energy to get all sorts of nostalgic, it’s you, Cancer, but I don’t need to tell you that. This lunar cycle is hitting you hard, amirite? Now, part of that might well hit you in the wallet: Mercury retrograde in your chart often passes through home or loved ones, and you’ll spare no expense on either. Another thing that might be making you feel a little weepier than usual (not that you’ll show it) is your very recent and probably more consequential birthday than in years past. Something in you is telling you to play it closer to the vest than usual, and that something could well be the transits of Neptune and Uranus: one is going retrograde and tell you to keep more secrets that normal, and the other is whispering in your ear that it’s time to let go of what you’ve been holding onto for too long.
But Cancers love holding onto stuff, like a lot. They have claws for a reason and their little shells are full of cool rocks they’ve collected along the way. The coming months, however, are going to see big big changes for you, my crab friends, especially on your career path. Let’s go even further and say that the rest of the year will be enormously important for your self development and the fulfillment of personal goals. But all of that involves letting go of your favorite rocks, or at least putting them somewhere safe for a little while. You might find that packing the memory of your best stuff is lighter than dragging the baggage of it with you, and it doesn’t make it any less beautiful.
Leo ♌
Babe, I want to hug you! And I’m not the only one! You’ll be lining up to receive thanks and praise this lunar month, and rightfully so. You’ve been through it and more these past few years: although the Uranus cloud on your modality didn’t hit you as hard as others (looking at you, Taurus and Aquarius) you’ve still had to work overtime putting that brave front on to maintain your trademark sunny mane. And you haven’t been pretending, either; Leos really do tend to believe it’ll all work out in the end, and they’ll cheer everyone else on as loudly as they’ll want to be cheered on themselves. Leo isn’t just the Lion this month, you’re the ringmaster: look for them to be the ones topping up glasses and taking the party into the wee hours, just being grateful to see the horizon.
But Leo, if I may. A sun, moon (new and full), and retrograde in your sign mean that there’s a lot to process in the coming month, and although much of it will be good, there are shifts to handle delicately. You’ll want to change your appearance with maybe a new haircut or a kicky pair of earrings. Fab! Don’t expect everyone to notice or be sad if they don’t. These transformations you’ve been undergoing don’t always have to be acknowledged by everyone in order to be seen or heard, and most importantly they don’t make you more or less important. If some people want to hang out in the shade, turn in early, or leave the circus tent altogether, let them. This month, you do you, for you alone.
Virgo ♍
I knew this Virgo once who worked somewhere near the Arctic Circle, and I’m pretty sure he only saw other people once every six to seven months. However, he still managed to have three to four relationships going simultaneously, and he pledged his undying love to each of the people. He got really good at it too, and it probably could have lasted for the rest of his life. But sadly, he was transferred to Washington DC, where he soon discovered that the demands of a thriving social life deeply conflicted with the richness of his inner life. Last I heard, I think he was living in Ohio.
Ok it doesn’t always get this hectic, Virgo, but we do need to talk a little bit about your innate sorcery. Because let’s face it, sometimes you find yourself hanging out in the shadows and getting up to innocent (ish) mischief, and with so much Leo sun coming around this zodiac month, I fear you might start building sandcastles and selling them as timeshares to unsuspecting beachgoers. It’s not that you’re wicked, you’re just really good at developing that rich inner narrative, and in the past few months you’ve gotten even better at marketing it. Just don’t sell yourself short, is all I’m saying. You’ve been making some really interesting changes to that inner you, and once the full moon rises on the 9th of August you’ll really see the benefit of it (without getting brought up on racketeering charges).
Libra ♎
Fridtjof Nansen was a Norwegian explorer, humanitarian, and Libra whose famous exploits near the North Pole were far outweighed by his work in creating the Nansen Passport for Stateless Persons. Because of Nansen, millions of refugees have been able to move to safety. His work earned him the Nobel Peace Prize in 1922 and when he died of a heart attack in 1930 and was given a humble funeral, he held honors from more than ten countries. Fridtjof Jansen was, in absolute terms, a boss.
No pressure, Libra! Ok, you’re kind of the diplomat of the zodiac soup and even when you’re not into assuming that role, it often falls on your shoulders anyway. Sometimes, this is awesome: for the last ten days of July you’ll be tempted to enter into some negotiations over changes at home or in the workplace, and your ability to work around (or delay) that obligation will give you precious breathing time while the retrograde spins slow back down. But consider this. Fridjof Nansen might have been a seasoned diplomat who did fine work, but he was also a human being who liked music and had affairs and quite possibly kept marrying the wrong people. Fridjof, like all of us, was only human. So Libra darling, give yourself a break. And for every humanitarian action you take, allow yourself one or more days watching tv in your pyjamas.
Scorpio ♏
Listen, you know you guys are my ride or die, right? Everybody seems to have their own cautionary tale about a Scorpio (including other Scorpios) and even though I’ve got your back, it hasn’t been a walk in the park to explain it to everyone else. But Scorpio, you’re worth it. Because the Uranus Block has put a real hurt on you since 2018 and in your fixed sign, it’s expressed itself in a lot of hiccups. A lot. Particularly in matters of the heart, y’all have tried to make it work a bunch of times and seen it crumble in pretty tough ways. It’s that intensity, that dedication to wanting everything to be perfect in your oddly visceral way. It’s been a lot, and you’re right to be tired.
But Scorpio, your time is coming! In fact, it’s just about here. Take the Leo cycle to rest, meditate, and reflect on things but know that by the end of September, all those missteps you couldn’t help but make will be distant memories. Mercury retrograde might delay your projects (especially career related) a little longer than you’d like but you’ll already begin to feel a change in the air. Use this time (especially between the new moon on 24 July and the full moon on 8 August) to think about these plans, and ask yourself if it’s really what you want for yourself. Are you doing what fulfills you? Is it going to get you there? Now is the time to finally shed the skin that’s been holding you back for years and rise up like a phoenix. But just, you know, keep it legal (ish), ok?
Sagittarius ♐
How many times have we discussed this, you and I? We know that you’re one of the oldest depicted signs in the zodiac, with mosaics in Isfahan and inscriptions in Ancient Egypt. We also know that you’re so psychically inclined that you never miss with your fancy bow and arrow. Yes, and no one has forgotten that you first inhabited the body of Chiron, who formed a bridge between heaven and earth and is now his own mini-planet in the zodiac. Yes, yes, we know. Sag, you are objectively fly, ok? You are the moment, and no one in their right mind would ever try to dispute it. So can we have that written for the record and get on with it? Kthanks, H’s and K’s, love you, let’s move on.
I say this (with love obvs) because this Leo month is a great opportunity for you to practice feeling instead of thinking, especially in your relationships. I know, you’re already thinking of ways to tell me why that’s dumb/unnecessary/beneath your highly evolved self. But the thing is, I’m not listening. Leo season is the perfect time for you to open your heart a little bit and allow yourself that strange opportunity to enjoy the world around you instead of constantly trying to think of ways to outsmart it. If you do, and especially if you let the retrograde period inspire your feelings, you may find your mind wandering to further reaches with ever bigger possibilities. Try it out! Worst case scenario, you love it. Best case, you can tell me I’m wrong and it’ll feel amazing. Win win!
Capricorn ♑
We all know that Capricorns are symbolized by the goat, right? People love talking about goats like they know all about them, and love talking about Capricorns like they’ve got them all figured out. Suckers! Capricorns have no less than fourteen spirit animals, all of which reflect some part of their identity. What about the salmon? The lone wolf fish will swim upstream despite obstacles and give a middle fin to anyone or anything in its way. How about the beaver? An industrious, diligent creature who knows how to make tools even in the oddest circumstances. There’s even a goose out there repping for our Capricorn kin, being ever so slightly cranky but steadfastly taking no prisoners and suffering no fools.
But my favorite Capricorn spirit animal by far is the penguin. Our hero mates for life and will follow family to the very ends of the earth to make them happy. But they’re also really happy charting their own course, knowing innately that we’ll all meet again. Yeah, they waddle but they almost never topple, finding a particular yet undeniable grace in the harshest climates and hardest terrain. And they love shiny rocks. This month is a great time to embrace your inner penguin: your close relationships will orbit comfortably around you, giving you the time to take some internal walkabouts to figure out where the next cool rocks might be hiding. So let the rest of the world look for goats while you’re out here vibing. You are penguin, and you contain multitudes.
Aquarius ♒
Oh, you gorgeous little enigma, you. One of your down low traits is that you tend to exhibit the exact opposite of what you’re feeling inside, and it’s often so convincing that 99% of the world never catches on to the complex web of thoughts and strategies going on inside that wild dome of yours. Are you smiling and laughing and posing for selfies? You’re having a rough day. Are you quiet, even a little sullen, barely smiling? You’re relaxed for the first time in months. Are you sleeping twelve seconds a night and somehow managing to run a company, manage six festivals, and repaint your house? Yeah, it’s crumbling down. Are you staring at the wall in a catatonic state with maybe a few crumbs from that meal you just remembered to have sitting on your cheek? Bliss.
The Uranus Conundrum was a true test for you, Aquarius, and as the zodiac ruler of the mind and its long rays, you’ve displayed some Olympic-level mental mastery these past years. Now, I won’t tell you to take a break because I know you’re not gonna listen. Besides, you don’t ever really need breaks, at least not the way that we mere mortals experience them. Instead, take some quality catatonic time for yourself and do nothing. Nothing! Leo will be dominating the headlines anyway and everyone will be scrambling for their place in the sun. Be sullen, be contrary, be quiet, at least until the full moon on the 11th of August. Let yourself dream, digest it, and transform into what you’re ready to become. You don’t have to hold back the dam anymore, but you don’t owe anyone anything, either. Not even a selfie when you just want to be left alone.
Pisces ♓
Leave it to the retrograde to make dreamy Pisces into the practical ones this zodiac month. You’re such a weirdly (mostly endearingly) contrary soul, sometimes, do you know that? Everyone’s basking in the sunshine and you’ll suggest going cave diving. The new moon appears and gives a perfect moment to talk about transformation, and you decide to bust out the old guitar you never really learned how to play just to show that you’re somehow still committed. Then the tables turn and you’re doing the exact opposite. Babe, who hurt you?
So here’s what we’re gonna try this month. Let’s practice a little thing we’ll call chilling the hell out, where you’ll enjoy all the wonderful things that you’ve worked really hard to build these last six to eight months. Venus moved into the solar fourth house earlier this month and will stay there until the end of July, making it a really good time to turn your house into a home, if you haven’t already done it. Leo is giving you all the tools to embrace the warmth of your accomplishments, to share this warmth with others, and to just. stop. making. your. life. difficult. I know, it’s been a hard run so far, and your feelers have been in overdrive for a while. The Uranus transit will likely help you later in the year and into 2026, so get ready for that. But first, a cocktail (or mocktail, we don’t judge).
More love next month, and more Serious Writery™ to follow! Stay tuned!
